Before
we do anything of great importance we always practice just how the event will
go - or rather how we'd like it to go. Before going out on a job interview we
act out the scene, sometimes in front of a mirror, of how we will walk, and
sit, and talk. We anticipate the questions our interviewer will ask and how we
will respond to them. We also plan just how we will broach questions regarding
salary, vacation arrangements, and coverage by medical and/or retirement plans.
This fantasizing, this mental practice, is an important exercise which helps to
insure success when the real thing comes along. Simulation is the greatest tool
in the world.
The
common thread for successful people down through history has been "seeing the
dream in advance and being obsessed with it." Golfers mentally practice their
shots before a tournament. Olympic swimmers, ditto.
Birthing
couples, however, have not traditionally practiced ahead of time for the
upcoming birth (in a positive manner, that is). On the contrary, most
deliberately put it out of their minds.
For
thousands of years young men and women have been enculturated to believe that
birth is something horrible that a woman has to endure in order to get a baby.
In the past few decades men have been enculturated to stand by the side of
their wives and watch as some other man "fiddles" around with their wives
"private parts."
But
if birth is really a sexual act and part of the communication of love between
man and wife, then there is another mode of behaviour possible; that is birth
as an intimate husband/wife love encounter.
The
best time to fantasize about intimate birthing and to mentally rehearse for it
is during love making. Then each is in the mood for total sharing of thoughts
and dreams as well as bodies. That's the time to get to the heart of the
matter, and to really get to "know" the other.
Georgia
Tapp said that she and John practiced perineal massage for about six weeks
before their baby's birth. "It helped us to open up to each other a lot and
besides, it felt good!" she wrote. "After our 'practice sessions' we often
would lie in bed and dream aloud together of how our birthing would go. I can't
tell you the closeness we felt during this time."
Diane
Shie's husband, who 'caught' their baby as it was being born, said, "The Lord
gave me my heart's desire." (The New
Nativity #22)
What
is your husband's heart's desire? Have you ever asked him, while in a tender,
cozy moment?
Have
you ever told him what your deep-down desire is? If not, open up. Let him in on
your secret wishes. Make your bedroom your very own Fantasy Island - where
dreams do come true.
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* * * *
This
article originally appeared in The New Nativity #26.
Photo
copyright Dejan
Dizdar.
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